Read the Manifesto (Ostrich Race, Part 1)

The Dog Days of Campaign '96 (Ostrich Race, Part 2)

More Hearsay from Campaign '96 (Ostrich Race, Part 3)

The Story of O's (Ostrich Race, Part 4)

Ostrich Race Prediction
by Paul Tullis     

Not having witnessed any of the campaign first- or second-hand, I can't be too sure about this, but I think that this has been the single most boring presidential election in history. Nothing happened in politics or world affairs to force a response from the candidates; the conventions, according to friends and colleagues who attended, were lame, scripted affairs that even a child could see through; and Ralph Nader, the only candidate who might be expected to say anything original, has, according to friends active in the Green Party, acted like a hermit since summer. Of course, Clinton and Dole agree on almost every domestic issue. And from what I hear,international affairs have been wholly absent from the election; even though the president can affect foreign policy more than anything.

My prediction is this: Clinton will win in an election with the lowest overall turnout of eligible voters ever. Last time he got 43% of the vote from 55% of eligible voters, which is something like 24% of the country voting for him. This time it will be less.

talk!When I started this, I was a little bit afraid I was going to miss something huge and be dumbstruck during intense political banter. But no. I'm the big winner here. I got someone to pay me to stick my head in the sand for three months, and you suckers read the news that nothing happened! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!   </end>

Paul Tullis is senior editor of Might magazine. He lives in San Francisco.