I Hate It.

By Mikki Halpin

Daylight Savings makes me crazy. You can't make plans with anyone on those days because you don't know if they'll remember or not, and show up an hour early, or an hour late, or what.

And why was daylight savings even invented? So that our rural ancestors, the mythic SETTLERS, could make better use of daylight time and get their chores done? Hello, how many people in the US have to get up with the sun nowadays? We are city people. We have that newfangled e-leck-tricity thing happening. We have to rearrange our whole concept of time so the cows will get milked more efficiently?

And come to think of it, I hate farmers. It's so hypocritical that children are taught to honor farmers. Color in the nice farmer in his field, kids! Totally sick. There are very few single-family farms left today. (And why even they should be treasured, I don't know—we've read our Faulkner. We've seen "Deliverance.") Farmers are just businessmen, like Gordon Gecko, or even Charles Babbitt.

Whine here! And how about them pesticides, huh? The citizens of Los Angeles get nice malathion showers every few weeks because of the agricultural cartel. And why is there a drought in California? Surely not because the farmers are trying to maintain a huge COTTON crop in the state. Because of course it makes total sense to grow COTTON, one of the thirstiest crops around, in the DESERT.

Fight the farmers! Don't wear cotton clothes! Don't change your clocks for Daylight Savings! We can retake time!    </end>