The Tragedy of Bungee Jumping in aThong

By Gary Medved

So you've got your nerve and your helmet. You've chosen a reputable firm for your first bungee jump, and checked out the credentials. The ropes are strong, the instructors are experienced, and you are looking forward to being able tell chicks about your derring-do.

That's what Ethan Norwood thought. And now he can't have children.

Ethan, being a fashion forward kinda guy, had chosen a sleek nylon warmup suit for his jump. The pants were a little snug, so he wore a nice thong underneath it. Something the rest of us might do any day of the week.

Ethan didn't know about Bungee -Thong Syndrome, and his penis paid the price. Bungee Thong Syndrome, or BTS as it is commonly known, occurs when the bungee jumper's waist cinch tightens at the peak of the jump, and yanks up the thong, with painful, occasionally crippling results.

"I'm seeing more and more young men come into my practice with this condition" said Dr. Herman Munch, of Norwich, CT. "The velocity of the jump puts a lot of forces into play, and if all those forces come to bear on the genital area, something's got to give." Dr. Munch treated Ethan, whose accident received national attention when he agreed to appear in a series of PSA's warning of BTS and its risks.

"If I had known about BTS, I would have worn briefs," says Ethan, who will be seen in TV and print ads next month telling young men to "Think Before You Thong." Because of his accident, Ethan has to use a catheter to relive himself, and a manual pump to get an erection. Kind of puts the threat of Visible Panty Lines into perspective, doesn't it?

For this young man it does. Sighing, Ethan says, "I've learned that your underwear can change your life—and not always for the better."   </end>

Gary Medved is a pseudonym
of our editor in chief.